Jello

Worked last night until about 11:30, came home and went straight to bed. We had a 2hr delay, but i got up at normal time to take care of laundry. I was actually feeling more refreshed than i should have been. Coach and I had a brawl 2nd period. The Coach is the new enemy. Making her look stupid makes me look good. 4th period...i like died. No energy at all, and a headache. Maybe something i ate, snorted, or smoked...I dont know. Rest of the day is quite the blur...kinda put the noggin down and rested. Because of my loss of energy, today wasnt the greatest. However, yesterday was made. Normal sunday, laying around and such. I go to eckerd before work, and a lady not paying attention to whats in front of her, knocks down a display of resse's peanut butter cups. Not only is the 1 mile line of resse's knocked over, but she goes down as well. Made my day. Should have helped, but when i walked away it made it all the more funny. People in physical pain or trouble just brings a smile to my face. NA was closed today due to the snow. If your reading this, and you go to NA, Fuck you. Here is my fit of jealousy. I suppose thats all for now. Farewell - n00bit

All in the past now

Well, i'm back to myself again. A smarter and slighty wiser self anyway. Now that i'm thinking straight again, I realize i've done nothing to regret. And, for that, I regret nothing that happened. I learned more than I have ever learned before in one single night, and i'm almost thankful for it. I'll tell you one thing thats changed - My opinions of the past. I constantly used to babble about how things will never be the same. And now, i'm glad. I wouldnt want them to be the same. The friends i've lost are expendable, and the ones i have found are irreplacable. Trust is not something i have for anyone anymore, but I'm sure that will change soon in the future. For some reason, i still trust Joe - The Jew. Dont ask...I wont be able to answer. I dont miss anything anymore. I realize that i had it good, Then i took a wrong turn. The wrong turn, to my surprise tho, i have realized happened months ago. Its fixed, and i'm better for it. A thank you going to kyle for opening my eyes to the level I could see clearly again. Fuck Change. Fuck who called on me. And fuck those friends that have turned they're back on me. I dont need any of you, and I've completed my effort phases towards you. But, I'm cheery. Which is good. Laugh, I feel like i've aged 20 years mentally in just a couple weeks. I'm glad. Its all over now, and posts will now concern me presently and in the future. Fuck the past. Farewell - n00bit.

Sometimes I need to relax

I'm looking back at my past blog entry, and almost finding it amusing. I'm ok with everything now. Not upset, just hanging in there. I realize now how much respect/trust i have lost. And, for some reason, i'm perfectly ok with that. By choosing to allow last saturday to happen, i put everything on the line. And, i lost. Shit happens. I lost respect/trust from two people that i cant hdnle losing it from though. My mother, and Kyle. Two people i trust and care for quite a bit in different ways. To those 2 people, and those two only, i appologize sincerly for my actions taken last weekend. Truly, you two have my full regret and appologies. I hope someday we can look at eachother the same, and be back on the same level. But honestly, besides those two, Fuck whoever else i dissapointed. My eye opener phase is finally done here. Chad Sunseri and Kyle are truly irreplaceable friends. Unique and trustworthy in different ways i cant explain. With them, i'll hang in there. I cant say enough good about you 3. Some of the things I said in the last entry about who my real friends were was kinda fucked up. I remember three or four months ago. Me sunseri krista chad kyle, and many others that i used to know and love just hanging around. Maybe it was ping pong, not really sure. A smile on everyone's face. I couldnt have been much happier. Teasing kyle cuz the world is obviously out to kill him (haha...<3). Just letting the good times role. Now I have beef with cops, and people that i dont know hate me. What a change huh? If there is one extremely important thing i've learned from this, its that you dont know who your real friends are. I dont think you can ever know for sure who your real friends are. Me, i feel it. I could be wrong. Very wrong. Lol, come to think, i was very wrong. But now, i just feel i know. Kids, Trust No1. Life will be easier. Thanks to all who showed concern for me...i didnt like it at the time but i appriciate it now. And again, Sunseri, chad, and kyle, I care for you guys as if you were my own brothers. This is a short time farewell from the kid everyone loves (or should anyway) - n00bit.

Closest I've been to ending it all

As most of you somehow already know, i've had some of the worst days of my life lived this past weekend. I fucked up. Bigtime. I listened to everyone saying we'd be safe or OK in what we were doing. Actually, at the time, i didnt even view it as wrong. Just some close friends hanging out haveing a good time. Well, it blew up in my face. The police left me with some parting words telling me a friend had radded me out. I'm not that easy of a guy to hurt or defend. But hearing that a friend did this shit to me?...It dropped me to my kneeds in utter pain. I didnt know what to think of anyone anymore. As of now, I still dont know what to think. One thing that snapped and i cant get it to go back is my trust factor. All of those i trusted before, except for one person, i no longer trust. Most of the people i have a lack of trust in have done nothing to me, probably never would do anything to me. But a "FRIEND" radded me out on saturday. Whoever i put in a posistion of trust can do the exact same thing to me. My life, as everyone knows it, must change. Fuck being social. Consider me a home body. All of those i have grown to love and trust are now better off just staying away from me. Sunseri, chad...Krista...I repsect you all, but it is time i walk away. It hurts. A lot. I have grown to love many of my current friends. No, faggots, not like that. Brotherly love. For most of you actually. To say goodbye not only hurts mentally, but almost physically. Everyone (you three especially) must realize i'm walking away for your own good, not mine. THE most important thing about being friends with some1 is trust. I cant trust anything, anybody right now. I'm incapable of allowing myself to. I'm not saying i'll some day wake up from this non-sense and come back to you, but for now I need a break. It isnt any of you, its just my own stupidity. I hope you all can understand me, and if you cant, talk to me about it. I learned some fucked up things that went down to be, around me, about me. I dont like it. To be honest, saturday i was hurt more than anything. I wasnt scared...wasnt worried...wasnt nervous...I brought all that shit on myself. But hurt i was. Deeply. Whoever it was that did this to me...I'm warning you now not to ever tell me, or anybody else that would be able to tell me. I WILL have my payback on whoever the fuck did this. You ruined my respect, my trust, and my life. I'm taking myself off the internet and under house arrest for awhile. I'll never be able to gain the punishment i deserve for how badly i fucked up. I look back now, at my posts of wishing things would go back to how they were. I laugh now. How easy I had it, and how easily all my problem could be solved. This is a Farewell for awhile...I'll be back when i'm happier and can be back to my old self. So, Farewell. - n00bit